it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
