Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
worst night to have a conscience
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
