i just google imaged poop.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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