If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
