you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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