At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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