JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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