I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
