consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
