i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
