oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
