Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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