Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
