i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
