Taylor Swift is so right about you.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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