don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
