I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
