Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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