All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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