I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
