yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
