It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
