the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
