I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
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That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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