Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
