Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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