if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
