She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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