so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
