I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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