you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
