Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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