it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
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My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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