thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
