nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
