3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I am puke
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
