Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
