I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
