Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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