It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
