And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
