just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
