Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
