never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize