I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
