And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
