Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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