Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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