you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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