Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
