We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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