maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
