he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So much Jack, so little girl.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
