she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He? As in you personified your dick?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
