3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
