I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
