Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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