So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
