And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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