My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
