so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
