If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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